Adopting interracially

As part of the adoption process, we’ve been asked so many questions – by adoption staff and by friends and family. It’s funny what comes up in those discussions. One of the things our case worker asked us was about our preparation to adopt interracially. Initially, we didn’t really give much thought to possible issues that may come up, but over the past 10 months, we’ve certainly learned a lot. Among them: she’ll have some different skin/hair care needs than we do, we should always carry a family photo just in case, and we or she may encounter intentional or unintentional rude comments from people. The need for a family photo isn’t one we’d thought about, but in one of our training seminars, the white mom of a boy adopted from Africa said her husband was challenged by a grocery store clerk when their energetic son ran through the store aisle and threw a fit when his dad tried to catch him. For his safety, the clerk wouldn’t release the boy until his mom drove to the store with a family photo to prove he was their son. So, we will each be carrying a family photo!

When asked how we’d handle rude comments in front of our daughter from strangers, Richie told Maelanie (our case worker) that I have quite a protective instinct and might be tempted to “go off” on someone if I felt they were overstepping. He’s right. My first instinct is to flare up into mother bear mode if a loved one of mine is attacked – verbally or otherwise. Richie tends to be very protective, but much calmer than I am. He would likely ignore a rude comment or address it in a mild manner. We complement each other well in that way. Interestingly enough, when we told Maelanie how each of us might react, she said that, while an angry reaction isn’t the best way to handle the situation in front of our girl, the worst thing to do is not to address it at all. Lack of a reaction will signal to her that we don’t care enough to speak up on her behalf.

We’ve discussed our natural reactions and how we will need to be prepared to react not in anger, but calmly. Depending on the comment, we’ve decided to respond by politely informing the person that our daughter is just that – our daughter – and that our family wouldn’t be complete without her.

We’re so thankful for all our friends and family, and know that each of you have your own stories. Since our process began, many of you have shared with us your connections to adoption, and for that, we’re so grateful. Each story just continues to affirm our decision. So many of you have been so generous in your contributions to our adoption, and we just want to thank you. Your prayers and financial support are so encouraging and I just can’t describe what a significant part of this journey you all are.